Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
