dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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