So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
