Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
