we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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