Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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