I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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