im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
