I'm going to jail i love you
I look better un-naked...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
