Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
