I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
