Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
