Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
