that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
