woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
