My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
