He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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