Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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