i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
