Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
