i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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