And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
