Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
