is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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