week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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