I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
