See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
