what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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