If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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