Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
