Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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