I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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