Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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