allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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