maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
