Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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