Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
