eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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