You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
