I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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