She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
