I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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