do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
