I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
