some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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