I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i've created a new STD.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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