I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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