You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
