I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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