i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
