He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize