My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
