I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
