i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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