he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize
