he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
