Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
