i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
