I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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