i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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