You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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