nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
