I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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