He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
