If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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