On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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