did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
is it fun? or sober?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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